Never Helpless Again
by JaspreetPink
Summary: An AU leaving off from season 3 episode "Helpless", in which Buffy fails and becomes a vampire. Mayhem ensues.
1. Failing the Cruciamentum

Part One: Failing the Cruciamentum 

Joyce Summers sat gagged and bound to a chair in the basement of a dilapidated boarding house, waiting for her daughter to save her. Buffy was a vampire slayer, she told herself, Buffy would rescue her, she would always come to rescue her.

But no matter how much faith Joyce had in her daughter, no matter how much she tried to reassure herself, the words of the insane vampire insinuated themselves in her thoughts; _I'll have your daughter. I won't kill her; I'll just make her like me. Different. She'll go to sleep, and when she wakes up, your face will be the first thing she eats._

Buffy would win. She always won.

Buffy slid down a chute and was in the basement with Joyce.

"Buffy," she mumbled through the gag, "Buffy, we have to get out..." Buffy was pulling at the ropes holding her mother to the chair, but couldn't untie them. Before Joyce could realize that Buffy wasn't at her full strength, Kralik had grabbed her daughter, who struggled to no avail, and was sinking his teeth into her neck.

His arms held Buffy steady; his mouth ripped her open and drank her like a wild dog. Buffy's mouth had opened in an unarticulated scream, her body going limp as she lost the strength to struggle. Her eyes started to roll up into her head and Kralik jerked her, getting out that last bit of blood. He drew away, his demonic smile stained with fresh blood. He tore at his own wrist with his teeth, then fed it to the weak, limp Buffy.

Joyce watched it all in terror, giving a guttural scream as she watched the murder of her own child and the siring of a demon. It was enough to catch Kralik's attention, and he smiled. "Don't worry, mother, she'll go to sleep for a while, then she'll be ready for you." He dropped Buffy unceremoniously in a heap on the floor. She looked like a discarded rag doll, messy blond hair sticky with the blood on her face. "I promised you she'd eat your face, and a madman always keeps his promises." Kralik slowly walked out, muttering as he did, "Not that I'm a man or anything."

A couple of hours later, Joyce had spent her tears over Buffy, strapped helplessly to the chair, with only the dirty walls and the corpse of her child to look at. At the stirrings of the body, Joyce's grief was supplanted by numb horror. That thing with Buffy's face was going to...

"Mommy?" came her voice softly, like a small child coming out of a deep sleep. Slowly, Buffy raised herself by her elbows and looked at Joyce. The puzzled frown on Buffy's face slowly spread into a vicious smile. She got to her feet and began walking, her blue jean overalls seeming strangely young on the creature.

"Now, Mother," Buffy began, a happy glint in her eyes, "before I suck all the blood out of your body, I'd like to take this last moment to tell you how much, I love, and appreciate you," she said in all mock sincerity. Stopping in front of Joyce, Buffy knelt and faced her.

"You were incredibly _blind _and _dense_ about who I was for two years, your simpering ignorance keeping you safe, helping you sleep easy while I saved the world and died...the first time," she smiled at this like it was a wonderful joke. "Then when your poor safe world was shattering around you, you kick me out and tell me to never come back." Buffy tapped at her heart and nodded as if they were joyous memories. "I should have stayed gone you know, Mom, then I wouldn't have had to spend one more minute with..." her voice trailed off as she looked at Joyce's defiant eyes. "Oh. I see, Mommy." Buffy pouted. "You're thinking, 'You're not the real Buffy, you're a naughty, bad vampire, Buffy would never hurt me.'" She ripped the ropes and pulled Joyce up to her. "Sorry Mommy, the world isn't the way you want it." In one quick motion, Buffy snapped Joyce's neck and let her fall. "Now where can a girl get something decent to eat?"

"You're awake," Kralik said, coming up behind Buffy. "Finally. Now I won't be alone again."

Buffy snorted. As if. Her sire kept talking, yak yak yak...like she would spend one minute with that freak show. There was only one thing she could do...

Pulling out a stake from her overall pocket, Buffy turned around and threw it, hitting Kralik straight through the heart, who exploded in a cloud of dust.

"Finally!" she exclaimed. She bent to pick up the stake, and then went up stairs, where she found an unconscious Giles being guarded by another vamp. She quickly staked him. "You are so not worth my time." She turned to Giles, who lay on the floor. "And you, mister-constantly-knocked-out, I'm going to thank you specially for letting this happen to me." She knelt down and planted on kiss on his forehead. "But not tonight."


	2. A Few Small Errands

Part Two: A Few Small Errands

Buffy stood stark naked, in front of her closet, looking for something to wear.

After a short child to eat, Buffy had made her way home and taken a shower to wash away all the grime and blood from the boardinghouse. Now, she just had a few things to do, and she could start the awesome mayhem she had planned. She just needed the right outfit.

"Animal prints? Oh, Buffy, Buffy, Buffy...what were you thinking!" She tossed the leopard skin jacket to the floor with a "humph!"

She pulled out a dress. "Pale yellow? Below the knee? Sheesh, note to soulless self—Laura Ashley is not for big girls!" The dress joined the pile of rejected clothes.

"No—not bad, but definitely not good—my fingers burn from touching it..." Buffy drew back from the closet and folded her arms with a sigh. "I'm gonna have to go for the big guns." Reaching into the far back of the closet, Buffy found the perfect thing.

The dress she had worn two years ago on her date with that guy, Owen. It was a sort of golden-brown sleeveless dress, loose and very short. "Now this is cute," she held it up in front of her. "Not sure I still have the body for it, or the hair color...but it is nice, a return to innocence, yet...a slutty innocence." Buffy pulled the dress on. "It'll totally work until I steal some new clothes." She slipped on a pair of shoes and was out the door.

Once she was outside she stopped for a second. "Now, should I burn the house down now, or later?" She shrugged and continued walking. Angelus would know the best thing to do.

Buffy had expected the library to be empty. After all, Giles was out cold and the Scoobs were all at home. What she hadn't counted on was Quentin Travers still hanging around.

"Ah, Miss Summers, I see you have returned, once more the victor."

"Well, I _have_ returned," she quipped with a wicked grin. As Quentin talked, Buffy wandered around the room.

"Well. As Mr. Giles has told you, this evening you were part of a test, the Cruciamentum, a time honored tradition in the Watcher's Council. You have returned, unscathed, from your battle with the vampire foe, and are to be commended." He held out his hand to Buffy, who was standing close to him. She had been looking elsewhere, but her eyes now focused hungrily on Quentin.

"Actually, that's where you're wrong," she told him, turning her head away as he let his hand drop. Buffy snapped her head back to Quentin, her faced morphed into her game face—her eyes were now yellow, her face contorted, making her forehead bump and ridged. "I kinda died, thanks to your Council." Buffy lunged, grabbing him towards her and biting his neck. His blood spilt into her throat, and she could feel the demon howling in ecstasy, in the freedom and power of taking a life, and the pure pleasure gotten from the taste of it.

She let him drop while he was on the edge of life. "Now," she began, "I could use these last few minutes of your pathetic life to bore you with a serious speech about how I'm going to rain down the horror, but hey, that's the old Buffy! The new Buffy wants to have fun, you know?" She walked away into Giles's office, leaving Quentin gasping and wide-eyed on the floor, blood trickling out of the punctures.

"Let's see, Orb of Thesulah, check..." Buffy picked up the glass ball sitting on Giles's desk, "Now just need to find that pesky spell..." She ripped open a few drawers, tipped over a bookcase, looked through the filing cabinet until she found the floppy disk and printout of the re-insoulment curse.

Buffy left the office to find Quentin had died. "Hey, you died on me—that's just so mean!" Buffy threw down the Orb and watched it smash to pieces. "Cool!" She snapped the floppy disk in two and then, finding a matchbook in Quentin's jacket, set the printout on fire. While she watched the paper smoke and curl on the library floor, her legs crossed Indian style she said aloud, "This feels good, like a karmic unburdening, or...something."

Buffy looked up at the clock. Four fifteen in the morning—that was just enough time to lose Angel's soul.

A/N: My opinions on Buffy's clothing are my own. And I really loved that dress from _Never Kill a Boy on the First Date. _Also, to make things clear, her speech to Joyce last chapter were the remnants of old Buffy. From here on, the new Buffy is sex and quips. And maybe some pouting.


	3. The Angelic Face

Part Three: The Angelic Face

Buffy entered the courtyard of the mansion, breaking off a piece of jasmine as she went. She held it up and breathed in the scent, and then tucked it behind her ear.

"Hey, Angel...you here?" She walked into the house, where she noticed Angel sitting by the fire, brooding over a book in French.

"Buffy," he said, looking up in concern, "What are you doing here at this hour?"

"Oh, just wanted to stop by, "she answered him breezily. Buffy walked towards him, swaying her hips as she did. "You know how I like a good chat."

"Well, I was just about to go to bed..." Angel said, looking a little more blank than usual, caught up in the sexy looks Buffy was throwing at him.

"How's about I go to bed with you?" Buffy asked in a husky voice. She sat sideways across his lap, and began kissing him.

"Hmmm," Angel pushed her away gently with his hands. "What do you mean by 'go to bed' with me? You know we can't..."

"Shh, Angel," she said, "Something's changed...it's all right, we can have sex." She kissed him again, deep and hungry.

He stopped her again. "What do you mean 'something's changed'? Buffy what's going on?"

"Come on," she said, her voice beginning to race, "Fuck me, Angel, you know once wasn't enough, fuck me so I'll never forget it," she reached her hand down and cupped him.

The blow landed so quickly Buffy was thrown across the room.

"You're a vampire," Angel stated, the pain evident in his voice.

Buffy looked at him in her game face. "Well duh." She got to her feet, brushing the dust off her dress. "What's the prob?"

"You're not Buffy."

"No," she stated plainly, "I am Buffy, just like last year you were really Angel." She shook out her vampiric face and looked the sweet-tempered little girl again. "I really don't see what the problem here is, I mean, I _know_ you have more fun without a soul, and you don't have to be good for little old me." She brought a finger to her mouth and pretended to suck on it like the lollipop she was eating the day she was called as the slayer, the day Angel said he first saw her. "We can be together forever, Angel. I mean--that's the whole point!"

At this point Angel had risen, a scowl on his face. Buffy raised her eyebrows, moved her shoulders around a bit. Suddenly she ran towards him, tackling him to the ground.

"Please, Angel," she whispered, "just let go, be mine."

Angel was suddenly still. "I'll always be yours, Buffy." Sadness rippled in his voice. "But not like this." He grabbed her by the waist and pushed her off him. Scrambling to his feet he added, "We'll have Willow curse you, or get your soul back some other..."

She giggled. "Willow can't curse me, I destroyed the translation of the spell." Giggling again, she raised her arms in the air and spun around gleefully, as if she were taking in the world with her arms.

Angel just stared at her, so many emotions battling in him. "Angel, I love you," Buffy said, having stopped spinning. She pouted and began to get closer to him. "Why don't you love me? Why can't you accept me the way I am?" Another step, another sweet calculated gesture—batting her eyelashes, looking up in her clear green eyes. "You think anyone was jumping for joy when I started dating a vampire? They weren't, but I loved you and that was enough..." Angel tried to punch her again, but this time Buffy was quick enough and she caught his arm, giving him a blow across the face that sent him flying.

"You seem to have forgotten who's the better fighter here, Angel!" she taunted.

Buffy knew Angel had a soul. That soul would make him try to do "the right thing", and she respected that. But when she had hit him, she had expected him to turn to her, in game face, she had expected Angel to come at her swinging, and they would fight a heated battle, that battle would turn to sex, and all would be right with the world.

But he just sat there. He lay right where he had dropped and didn't move. Why wasn't he attacking her? When he finally did turn to look at her, he looked human. He looked like he had been crying.

"Face of an angel," Buffy muttered, then started at her own words.

Angel's eyes had looked dead, as if his famous souls had frozen cold. They flickered briefly with her words, it had sounded so like her...

"Angel," she said softly, all the pretense and mischief of the night gone from her voice. She walked to him, and knelt beside him. Laying a hand on his cheek, Buffy leaned down and kissed Angel tenderly.

He was so lost in that tenderness he forgot the reason Buffy had come to him. That is until he realized that somehow she had nudged him so he was on his back, and she was now straddling him.

With his hands on her delicate shoulders, Angel pushed her away.

"Just go," he said simply.

They stared at each other, his dark eyes calmly meeting her green ones.

"I'll come back for you," she replied. She was gone faster than the eye could trace.

"I know." He lay on the cold floor of the mansion, very near the spot where he had returned from hell. Part of him wished he had never left.

A/N: Okay, she speechified a little, but she's Buffy, you know? And hey you, all Bangel shippers--Suckers! This the last you'll see in a while! Unfortunately, it's not the last we'll see of Angel (damn).


	4. Lonely and Dirty

Part Four: Lonely and Dirty

Spending a day in a crypt was not fun. Reasons why? It's lonely and it's dirty—two things Buffy decided she was very against. But as the sun rose after leaving Angel, she knew she had few options on where she would spend the daylight hours.

The dirty part of the crypt was what struck Buffy first off—dust and cobwebs had settled comfortably among the stone statuary and the large stone coffin. She noticed that there was an entrance to a lower level, probably one that led to the sewers. But that looked very dark and even dirtier, so Buffy decided to suck it up and lay down on the sarcophagus. "This is _not_ how I pictured spending my afterlife," she declared with a pout.

Buffy slipped into a dream state as smooth as blood slipping out of a human's throat. She was with Angel, but his embrace was fleeting—she was watching him, standing among fire engines, turning his back on her for good. She was a girl trying to open a jar of peanut butter—she hadn't the strength to do it herself. She watched Faith, maniacal grin, slipping in a knife, slipping in a stake, that look of horror with a knife in her own gut—Faith kissing her forehead. Buffy was kissing another girl on the forehead, someone she didn't know, right before Buffy jumped—it was her gift.

Images seemed to be running faster, skipping important things, until she was left with one image, one voice. Spike, standing in the crypt with her, saying ever so tenderly, "I love you. You know I do...I always want you..."

If anything of her dreaming stayed with her when she woke at dusk, it was that last scene, though that too was hazy in her mind.

"Oh you have _got _to be kidding me."

It was then she truly recognized the loneliness of her situation.

Spike wasn't hard to find. It was safe to say he was a fairly high-profile guy, what with the drinking and the brawling, the weeping and the self-pitying, and of course the searching for a very rare map that led to the gem of Amara. Buffy smiled to herself as she stalked his lair—the guy loved his gimmicks, whether it was the Judge or the gem.

Spike had taken over an old abandoned cabin in the woods as his base of operations, outside of Sunnydale but not far from it. Buffy circled it, through the evergreen trees, a scoffing part of her none to happy to be out here in the forest, yet loving the game, a new game—anything to push away that nagging loneliness and get ready for the real cannon she had aimed.

"Shouldn't be wandering the woods alone, a little girl like you," his words came mocking and seductive, his body a shadow at her back. "_Slayer,_" he added, that word coming out imbibed with so many meanings, and Buffy knew she was right. Spike was in love with her, in lust with her, fascinated with her. Wouldn't that be easy to play?

"Oh, come on," she playfully whined, "I think I can take you on, don't you?" Buffy turned and tilted up a pretty head. From his sharp cheekbones to his appraising icy eyes, Spike's face was pointed to her, threatening yet nowhere near thinking of the kill. Poor guy still didn't realize what he'd won.

"'Sides, not the slayer anymore," lilting laugh, "Now I swing for your team." Eyes widen and he finally gets it.

"Well, bloody hell," and now it's his turn to laugh. "That's just—neat."

"Isn't it though?" Breaking the spell, Buffy turns away, takes a step, and faces Spike again. "Remember what a good team we were Spikey? So good in fact, Dru dumped you over it, didn't she?"

_I HATE you_

And I'm all you've got 

Yes, that and memories Buffy's not privy to.

_You're covered with her...I look at you, and all I see is the slayer._

"I remember," Spike answers gruffly. "You got a plan to take over Sunnyhell, pet?"

"Take over? Nah." Silly Spikey. "Torture maim and kill? That we could do..." And she's back to him, her open palm pressed against his chest. "_After_ we seal the deal."

Everything denied was now okay. The Hellmouth getting you down? One to many humiliations among the Scoobies? That pesky slayer kicking your ass, glowering at you, dancing in a crowd of people, and only you know she's yours?

Spike lifted Buffy up at her hips.

Dr. Buffy has the cure.


	5. Misc Moments

Part 5: Misc. Moments

Meanwhile…

Winfred Burkle is running from the Pyleans, stolen food in her arms, as she makes her way back to her cave, where she shall…

Oops. Wrong story.

"Buffy is dead," Giles finally concluded, "and a demon has replaced her."

His eyes darted to Angel, who leaned against the wall, head bowed. It was as if he wanted to melt back into the shadows after telling them the horrible news, confirming all of Giles's worst fears.

Willow's face was utterly stricken, and Xander's seemed to be wallowing in misery. Cordelia stood near the balcony railing, looking down at her feet and trying to hide her emotion. Oz simply placed his hand on Willow's arm to comfort her. The truly terrifying one to look at was Faith.

Giles hadn't had a chance to watch her as told them about the Cruciamentum, about finding Joyce in the boarding house and Travers in the library, or during Angel's distressing tale. But now, seeing the murderous rage caught in Faith's eyes—

She looked like she was having difficulty breathing, actually. "Faith," Giles asked quietly, shifting the ice pack on his bruised face, "are you all right?"

A stupid question and he knew it, yet what else was there to say?

Faith gave a strangled cry in her throat, a truly pitiful sound, and strode to front desk, pushing everything—books, papers, pens—to the floor.

"It's not true," she declared, grabbing an empty chair and smashing it to the floor, so hard that it splintered into pieces. With each act of destruction she cried out wordlessly in grief and said, "It's not true." Faith overturned a book cart violently and was smashing her fists on the book cage when Angel finally came up behind her and firmly held her arms, pulling away her bloody fists. She struggled and sobbed until her knees gave and she was on the floor, and Angel with her.

There they sat for two seconds, before Willow came over and was hugging Faith as well. The others watched in desolation, locked in there own thoughts and incapable of movement.

After a few minutes Giles heard Willow whisper something. Angel stood, followed by Willow and Faith.

"I'm taking her to my house. I-I don't think she should be going back to the motel right now," Willow told them. Faith refused to look at anyone, ashamed of her moment of vulnerability. The two of them left the library.

"What are we going to do?" Cordelia asked so suddenly, so gently, that everyone looked up at her in surprise.

"I don't know," Giles honestly replied.

In a cabin in the woods…

Well, the basement at least…

"I have the oddest sense of déjà vu," Buffy said as she slid on a black boot.

Spike gave out a short laugh. "In the habit of destroying houses during sex, are you, pet?" His mouth twisted in a grin.

Buffy thought about it for a second. "No," she answered. "Like my new pants? I got them yesterday." She turned about in her tight black leather pants.

"Love them," he said, still lying naked on the floor.

"They're what one wears when one has gone evil."

Spike's smile faded. "If you're Angelus," he scoffed and got up to put his own pants.

"I'm experimenting in evil fashion," she added distractedly. "Aha!" Finding her shirt, she put it on. Whirling around, Buffy went to Spike and circled her arms around his waist. "I love it when you're jealous." She kissed his bottom lip, then like the ever-moving whirlwind she had become, flitted away.

Back at the library…

"I'm going to leave Sunnydale," Giles said abruptly. "I'll stay until Faith's new Watcher arrives, then I'm returning to England. My slayer is…dead. And I'm to blame." He choked on the words and they hung painfully in the air.

No one disagreed with him about that.

"No." Xander spoke without intonation. He sat at the table, looking down at his hands. "Giles, you are going to leave now. First reason is because you'll probably be Buffy's first target. Second, because as soon as Faith can see past her grief she's going to kill you. Third…" his words stumbled, "b-because if I have to spend one more minute in this library with you, I'll kill you myself." Xander met Giles' eyes coldly.

Giles mouth widened in shock, but he quickly regained himself and nodded. Cordelia's eyes were wide as she turned her head back and forth to each of them.

Without the heart to say another word, Giles turned and walked out of the library, the ice pack pitifully pressed to his swollen, purpling face.

But when Angel tried to slip away, Xander surprised everyone, including himself, when he said, "Wait. We're going to need your help."

Angel went closer to where Xander sat. "What for?"

"Look, you know I hate you, and I certainly don't trust you. You've given us all plenty of reason not to. But the truth is you'd make good bait. Besides, you'll know how her mind works…considering you taught her everything she needs to know about being cruel last year."

At this point Oz stood up. He threw a questioning glance to Xander, then said, "I'm bailing."

"Me too," Cordelia added. "Walk me to the parking lot, just in case?"

"Sure."

As they were walking out, Xander glanced back to Angel, who to his chagrin had fled into the night. Now, he alone in the Scooby headquarters, and everything they had worked for was broken. And _she_ was gone.

"Oh Buffy…"

In that wacky cabin…

"I'm _not_ jealous," Spike affirmed, lying through his teeth.

"Spike, you've _told_ me, flat out, that you're jealous of Angelus." Giggle. "That rhymed." Buffy, who finally stopped her circular search of the room, suddenly said, "I've just remembered that I won't show up in mirrors!!!! Truly the fate of the damned!!!" She sighed dramatically and watched Spike gawking at her, making her slightly amused. "But that is nothing compared to what we're going to do to all my old pals.

"Willow's slender little neck is going snap like a twig. I'm going to stare into Xander's deep brown eyes while I let you torture him to death." Her eyes glinted at Spike's sharp intake of breath. She continued. "Cordelia's blood will run in rivers and Giles, oh dear old Giles will suffer worst of all." Buffy's wicked enthusiasm had caught on to Spike.

"And Angelus?" he queried.

"Angel, you mean?" Buffy shrugged. "Torturing his poor little soul to the point of madness, for starters…" The image of evil Angelus flashed into her mind. She could turn him, should the opportunity arise. Not that it'd be wise to let Spike in on that plan.

"Best of all," she continued, "is what's coming. Something big, and evil, and _wonderful_…I woke up as a vampire, feeling connected to some larger evil, I knew what I had to do and…but now it's fading in my mind. Don't you feel it?" Buffy seemed to tremble slightly. The feeling had been creeping around the back of her mind, but when she had voiced those words she knew they were true.

"I'm feeling a lot of things, pet," was all Spike could say.

"I'm _sure_."

And still meanwhile…

Fred has lost her pursuers and is at her cave, finally.

"Gee, that was close," she says a bit hysterically. She takes a bite of apple and remembers tacos. "I wonder if I can make tacos out of bark." She takes up her glasses and chalk and begins to work it out.

They're all trying to work out something.

A/N: Phew! That seemed longer than usual. But don't worry, my minscule but loyal fan base, vamp!Buffy shall return in full force next time, and boy does she have some torturing to do! Did you see that to do list up there? No one works as hard as Buffy,well maybe except for her boyfriend and sexy sidekick Spike! But the _real_ question here is will treebark tacos hit it off? In this alternate reality, will Fred open the first Pylean taco stand and make her fortune? Eh, I don't know...


End file.
